God last night he attend to the plans he forgot to tell me about, anyhow i think he and the boys were annoyed about not having their pool table delivered (funny cops thats what the drinking session was held for I believe). Well all I could think about was him all night *sigh* I spend hours and hours convincing myself that I dont care if he is with anyone else, and all that jazz and all in all when it comes down to it, it fucking hurts me so bad, cos I'm in luv with him, and that feeling isnt going to go away. god damn. Everything, even all the shit that annoys me I luv, cos thats him, its who he is, and i cant change how I feel, its just there.

I am so head over heels for K, how can one guy have sweept me of my feet and made me so crazy about him?? I dont know but he has.

The first thing I thought about when i got out of bed today is how he is going to pick em up from work tongiht and how awsome it will be to see him I cant wait will be thinking about it all day xoxox

Well why do i continually do this to myself?? I mean I've learnt from most of my mistakes, but sometimes I think, *sigh* well I think maybe thats the underlying problem!!! But diagnosing it is mostly a hell of a lot easier than fixing it, The thing is I fell for him, yep K, I let myself fall him sooo hard. And then knowing that he suffers from C.R.A.F.T (cant remember a fucking thing!) He sayd oh yeah im busy tomorrow night, sometimes i wish I was a mind reader, I think the worst thing is when i get that feeling in my stomach, that 6th sense kinda deal. Its like when he went away for his holiday I KNEW that he would end up hooking up that night cos i felt it, and I have that feeling about tonight, and its dumb cos he isnt my boyfriend. So in reality I have no right to give a shit even though i do. But I dont think that everytime he goes out at all, okay lets put it realistically perhaps it is jelousy cos i like him more now, (its not that kinda feeling though) oh well, whatever. Somedays I just think I would spend a whole heap less time not allowing myself to get hurt if i just didnt see him at all you know maybe see him in a year or two.... I dont freaking know (okay not a year or two that would be shit, and a waste cos he is so awsome). I dont want to start pushing him away from me to save my own feelings, cos i know if i do it long enough that I wont care anymore and ill be a real bitch, all to stop myself being hurt. The worst thing is I have no desire to even look at anyone else cos i know they arnt him, and even though he knows how much it friggen hurts when i kissed someone imagine how i feel knowing he is going to sleep with them eventually i know its going to happen and im starting to think detaching myself now is going to save a lot of heartache in the future.  it sounds logical but in theory i cant stay away from him, he is so smart and funny omg like the best lay ever!!!!!!!

Anyways enough about that i could write all day (espessially how fucking awsome he is in bed) , yesterday in bunnings i went to buy 3/4 inch quad pine and pretty much tried to make me look like an idiot in front of this guy there and i yelled at him in public, i have never in my life done that, never made a scene in public, but he embarresed me and pissed me off and i felt so much better!!!! What an arse, oh well, when i finsih the timber round the window it will like like a million bucks and he will owe me the 5 dollars we bet on it ( he made the bet, and i know he didnt bet more cos he doesnt want to lose money!)

I have a performance review at work today and im soooo nervous!!

God ill have to wish myself luck as no one else will xoxox 

And when i say bus catcher i dont mean as in CATCH like chase it and grab on to it, I mean being a user of public trasport. My car broke down it sucked so hard, I had to catch the bus, and I mean it was OKAY - not great... only okay. Andrew was so excited that he wouldnt do what he's told but eh!! whats new. Also I finished an assignment for geography in 2 hours with a computer program we were just supposed to be learning how to use and one of they guys in the class had spent like 4 and half hours on it alreadys.. it was great * I AM SO SMART I AM SO SMART*. Special K will be here soon I cant wait to tare his clothes off when he walks in that door god damn! or maybe ill just do the housework...

 One of my friends in Melbourne (we dated once) well we are still mates and was talking to him the other night and he has got mixed up with the wrong crowd of people, but he probly doesnt see that, to me it sounds as thought they're are doing him more harm than good... and he is like the nicest guy ever, and so sweet, he just needs a girl with a good heart and strong will to look after him and I have no doubt in my mind that he would treat her like an absolute princess, poor Gareth, sometimes I wish i would be there to help him, but ya cant be in two places at once - unless its like on the net and your in two different chat rooms or something and then i suppose you would be in two places at once.. xo

Well today was, hmm.. interesting to say the least..

Went to bed, not sleeping very well.. and get a text *K had kissed another girl, oh god, of course his wording of the msg wasnt exactly that of a normal man, but rather the incoherrant mumbles of one intoxicated individual who sometimes doesnt phrase things as I would! The text read *this girl jumped me* translated to english and established by a rather rude response on my behalf was  *she only kissed me* (and she was a smoker HA HA HA so she was gross to kiss ha ha once more), but all of this misunderstanding was of course forgiven when he says even though he had the chance, he didnt have any desire to sleep with other women coz I satisfy him (I ommited a lot of other mushy stuff that was said, for everyones benifit, dont need any vomiting here!!)

Anyways went to the animale welfare league to find a dog, and Andrew (my 3 year old son) was extreamly scared of all the dogs he was clinging to me like shit to a blanket, until he saw this gorgoeus staffy X (not the cutest but she was certainly adorable)so if she is still available i will most likley have a new addition to the household, I did ask what he wasnted to call her, the first choice was "DOG" hmm... ovious choice ...the second choice was "GIRL" well.. I think it looks like my job to find a name and coerce him into liking it - what are mums for??!!

And I also decided that the amount of time I spend staring into the mirror at myself is not infact vanity but rather a self improvement program! Thats my analagy for now, and i'm running with it! Better trott off, my not-so-empty bed awaits my humble arrival... and damn I hate it when all my pajamas are in the wash xo

Well once again.... yes the first time in a long long time i really really really wanna go out, been stuck at home for ages being sick...

And HE goes and changes plans fuck that I am going out anyways so yeah...

and if i get chatted up then i'll let them (maybe) he doesnt need me around, what was i thinking... he needs a god damn personal organiser. anyways im off probly to pj's anywhere for a few pints tonight, and i might even go on that date with brad after all! Off to get ready now not staying out late as i have work tomorrow. xoxo