Last night K comes over and goes I'm going to my parents house...
(tonight is tuesday, our night) and then he goes oh not tomorrow night....then smses me tongiht saying he is going... all cos that stupid fucking tv is more important then me..
Then he says he is coming back in an hour so its all good... yeah bit I wont see him tomorrow.... so bloody hell, not happy (he could have gone tomorrow night.
Doesnt matter that I am sick as a dog and need looking after
he said he will be back in an hour, that is like 3 hours we could have spent together, but instead he will turn up when the oc is on and he will go-oh im going to bed... so why do I insist on having tuesday nights together, when we arnt acctually together???

I give up... thought i would apply for jobs tomorrow but im so sick I dont think thats a good idea.
STUPID BEING SICK!!
-Inga xo

Was perusing through some other blogs when I read
'big shout out to gwen for teaching me to spell bananas" I thought it was a bit amusing, as if you dont already know how to spell it sheesh!

Saw K last night, he bought me flowers, so nice! (not a huge fan of carnations, but I dont care cos he bought them for me, so I love them!!) And when I wake up in the morning in his arms, everything is perfect and I think of how stupid I can be, that moment, is the perfect moment, before the day has begun, just us and love, quiet and peaceful and relaxing, but just us.

WORK REPORT: going to look on wednesday and get my resume all ready and everything for it!! Am getting stressed about money and its making be stress about everything in my life, so time to get a job.

ROACH REPORT: A found a roach on the floor and so I put a container over it so it couldnt go anywhere (beside the fact it was on it back anyways lol) and left it in the middle of the hall way for two days until K killed it and put it in the bin.

Love Inga xoxo

the cheap roses at the market inspired me to have a garden like the one in alice in wonderland, the queen of hearts had, white and red roses, beautiful!!

 Dont think he missed me as much as I missed him...

after coming home he is having dinner at his place and then coming over somtime after that?? whats with that, if i went away I would want to see him straight away, I nearly cried when I read it, awww well i nearly cried all weekend cos im dumb and I miss him so bad, you know I think its more so that I dont want stuff to be like, well L (and the others) hating me and cos of that not being able to be with him when he goes out ect. I dont want a boyfriend who I cant take out with me, or who doesnt share the fun times if I go out or away, but I spose its not as important to him. I guess I'll just have to get used to it I will give it 3 months (like lauras 3 years with ali rule lol) and if things dont change, i dunno ill have a nervous breakdown i reckon. Why do I sit at home all the time and always change my plans so that I can see K all the time? He wouldnt change plans for me, and I still doubt he will stick up for me with his mates either,so I guess I will have to stop loving him, cos it just makes me feel awful inside, I never thought love would make me so sad... but it does all the time and I hate it.

 I dont want to worry about what other people think about me all the time.

 I dont want to have to worry about what other people think of me all the time.

 I dont want be put in a postition where I have to worry about what other people think of me all the time.

but thats how it is.

 and it makes me feel depressed.

whitch isnt the best me I could be.

I want to be happy again.

 I want to be me, again....

(not a crazy lunatic jelous monster that they have turned me into aggrrhhh)

Didnt feel like doing much today, except giving away all my possesions and crawling into a hole.

I wonder if he would be happier without me?

I miss the beach.

I am miserable.
(& quite possibly stupid too)

I cant belive Snnop dogg is coming to lil ol' adelaide!! I would love to go but dunno if I want to spent that much cash on it. drop it like its hot.

I havn't blogged in a while, only because I've been so busy getting nothing done that it hasnt crossed my mind. I danced to much on friday night, I know this because my muscles in my legs still hurt and its sunday night. homework to do tomorrow!! Woke up and was motivated enough to go to the market this morning, it was particularly eventful because I got all my fruit and veges, mght make up some spagetti sauce in the morning.

NOTE TO SELF: Dont forget dog food tomorrow.

Oh and one of the neighbors said my dog barks too much and they were going to call the council, ha ha what the hell are the council going to do??
Oh well gtg

Love INga
K REPORT: has to rest due to injury..

Sunday: was supposed to go to the market but woke up and A was quite sick so we didnt go, got annoyed cos then i had no vegitables. Took A to play cafe with M and her two, had a ball there!!
Monday: cant remember, err I probly attempted homework, and booked dog in for his final vaccination on wednesday
Tuesday: V day, got K a card he didnt like (men are so picky!) felt a bit down as it was the firat year in 8 years I didnt get flowers. Errm ohyeah had college that day, saw K for lunch but he didnt really seem to interested cos he was watching Red Dwarf.. I would liked to have you know just cuddles and kissed and talked god be mushy for half an hour on V day, What the hell was I thinking? Romanace on V day... surley not!! Anyways had college told the guy I dont like to shut up and he mumbles under his feral breath 'must me that time of the month' I was like "EXCUSE ME" and had a go at him for beign so freaking rude, and no its not that time of the month I just have no tolorance for his rude behaviour ggrrrrr
Wednesday: oh that is today: attempted homeowrk all day saw K for lunch witch was nice. now Im studying hard, sshhhhyeeeaaahhh right! oh but i had andrew and the dog in the car today and the dog started barking and i was like whats wrong and A goes "i told him to bark" then turns to Schooner and goes, "good boy good boy!" cheeky devil!!

Sometimes I think will I ever be his perfect gf? Sometimes I really doubt it, but others I have no hesitation what-so-ever, only time will tell.Somtimes I think about the issues we have with eachotehr and why its so different to other relationships and the only thing I can come up with is that in the others I just did what I was told and dint say much, and I was always trying to live up to their expectations, to be skinnyier, hotter, tidyier (all spelt wrong i know) i dunno but i know its easier to accept when they used to do stufff to help me without even saying anything. its just a different relationship and I have to get used to it, im getting there. I am also babbling crap now, gtg... bed time
Love Inga

I cant believe it, college tomorrow and I havnt done my homeowrk... how disspointing, will have to concentraite tonight. I just took Schooner out for a walk half an hour, and I think he is as stuffed as I am! (I also think to a degree he is as lazy as I am too!!)But he is cute, and I'm sort of getting attached to him, I mean at the moment I wouldnt hesitate in giving him away if it wasnt for andrew.. he is having his 3rd needle on wednesday, bet he wont get back in the car after that one!
Tomorrow is V day, Im glad ill get to see Kyle... (I might not get to see him for his birthday.. witch sux a bit. I thought from the impression that I got was that HEAPS of people went to the shack, and then the other day he says oh not many people will be there...ggggrrrr @ that!!!!
might attempt washing the dog tongiht too... ha ha that should be fun... and good luck to me...

DOUGHNUT REPORT: found out the lady who has the best ones is only open on weekends, but is thinking of opening weekdays also witch means I need to excersise a lot more!!

STUDY REPORT: Still want to smash that guys face in, might have a word to him tomorrow. Will aim to get ahead with all my study tonight!!

DINNER REPRT: I have absolutley no idea what we are having!! (go me not getting any meat out of the freezer!!

The nerve of the idiotic guy in my class is 3 seconds closer to that punch in the face, I said something to him then he told the teacher, as if it was his idea!! what a wanker, i mean seriously, bad enough i endure his pathetic sense of humour all day but then to steal MY idea... he wont know whats hit him if I get half a chance (and happen to be driving a bus or truck or equivilent at the time)
K & I = 4 months already I cant belive it has gone so fast...
had a few ideas of what to cook for dinner on V day but cant post due too he WILL read it... Will reveal on 15th lol

Love Inga

DISCLAIMER: I dont belive any judgements should be passed on my own private thoughts if they happen to be here

No doubt sleeping! Well I I woke up ataround 2 o'clock, and kept thinking the dumbest thoughts and I just couldn't shake it. He didnt even message me at all tonight, nothing... I wonder who else was at his place? if it was just the boys... or not?  I kept thinking about the sarah thing, and then I got to thinking yeah he was drunk and I suppose I blamed her for her persistance, but he did wake up and do it, and I know that he doesnt wake up for anything- not even head, so there for he  must have been awake enough.. I dunno I just miss him so bad right now. Took a swig of the 27 yr old brandy, quite strong, wish I had lots of wine, I want wine. I wonder what he is doing tomorrow during the day? if he is going to the beach w/marie? (if so grrr if im not invited!!), but then again he has more fun without me around, quite clear tonight when he didnt even message me all night exept to say he will see me tomorrow night.  Bloody hell I couldn't stop thinking some chick is prolly in his bed right now (I thought this at about 2 or 2:30, not right now cos its 3:30) so stupid. And then I was thinking abouts jordan, and what he said and I thought bloody hell his mates tell everyone else 'gossip' to favour themselvess, and mostly it appears to be to get laid anyways. Its so annoying cos they all say bits and peices of this and that and never the whole story... Drives me up the wall, it really does.I think the worst thing is the only way I know to deal with it is too drink I just want wine, Its so hard when all I want to do is drink and pass out and wake up and drink some more, spose I have been pretty good havnt had any wine in the house for at least a week... although I desperatly want some. Oh and I also thought about new years eve tonight, how K said to me that he thought it was important for couples to spend new year eve and birthdays ect together, yet if the others were going to the shack he would have left me alone, no hesitations I think the only line i member about our convo was the shocking 'so what are you doing new years eve?' and I thought to myself wtf I thought I was spending it with you! Its not important now anyways, just had to vent.

Am not taking my tablets anymore cos they make me too sleepy to deal with anything. But I do belive the Doc said 'if these tablets are no good, drink as much wine as you like' okay so I wish he said that. Didnt call the boxing place cos I was too busy, err doing nothing today.. yes thats right cos I am a single mum who has no life and no friends and I am a total bitch... whatever
Nite world

P.S. I did bake buiscuts and cover the bottoms of them with chocolate... mmm melted chocolate. (and I also made tons of pumkin soup cos I bought too much pumpkin at the market last week)!!

DISCLAIMER: I dont belive any judgements should be passed on my own private thoughts if they happen to be here

I mentioned this morning dont read my blog but I'm guessing by the comment that he did. Oh well the warning was there. I have been looking at the sites on boxing, might give them a call a bit later and find out about it. Bloody hell finally my tablet kicked in but now im feeling more drowsy than ever I dont think I can keep taking these tablets anymore, Im so tired all the time and its not fair on anyone else especially if I am supposed to be awake and what about when i start school I cant very well sleep all year through my classes I dont think that will help a single bit!!
Damn I love it when he cuddles me in the morning... makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.. silly random thoughts. I better get to the house work today I want to finish off cleaning my house (my late/early spring clean and then 'ave a go at flash for bit this after noon if I dont fall asleep ..think its time to do some washing too, mgiht visit oma later, oh and I must make some pumpkin soup also. omg its friday today, already it goes so fast, I should also pop up too Target to see if the dinner set I wanted is at sefton plaza might just stick it on layby and look for a b'day present for the old cheese. 50 on monday can u belive it? Better give them a call too and see how they are after having gastro, poor hunny's I hate gastro, I hate being sick in general though. Might even re-do my resume next week.. thats a big MIGHT... anyways cant wait for luch time to see K, Ill be grinning like an idiot as always when I see him. I just want to be in his arms all the time. its so nice.
Love Inga xo

Well tonight I decided, indeed this is MY blog and I will write whatever the hell I think.. and not simply what people want to hear... because thats right this is supposed to be my outlet for well I suppose my way of venting and getting all the shit out of my head so I dont think about it! (DISCLAIMER: therefore I dont belive any judgements should be passed on my own private thoughts if they happen to be here i'm venting damn it)

THINGS WE'D LIKE KYLE TO BUY USING HIS MONEY...?? (ohh puh-leese)
How about a big factory so you can have a job and buy your own fucking things ... hows that for an idea.

As for the rude email I recieved the other day I cant stop thinking about it so I thought I would say what I think and just get over it:
Well well well, <-- WOW what a polite way to start an email, not even Hi, or heaven forbid-Dear caused a bit of trouble lately havent ya,<-- No acctually I hadn't at that point  so now your trying to be nice to the girls you have ignored and bitched about(for no good reason)<--I bitched about? oh well could i possibly be because you lot of bitches drove me to the point of insanity and as for ignored I'm not the one who said 'hi' an then ran off with T  not even trying to have a freaken conversation with me or try to get to know me a little, You my well, not friend are the queen of Ignor- witch would make it the Queen of ignorance. Well i wouldnt have coffee with you if you paid me at this point, <-- I wouldnt pay you anyways as I am quite sure it would be the worst 10cents I'd ever spent not to mention being in company of poor taste and I already hve one child to deal with why would I want to wasate my time babysitting you and i certainly dont want you at middleton at my shack which i think is fair considering.<-- for the record my email was not an attemp to come to your pokey shack, it was an attempt to get to know you and at least make an effort to be civil to each othere but I suppose you have made it quite clear that you cant do either until you manage to fall off your little pedistool and with any luck knock some respect into yourself You know what, <-- no not really, tell me, oh please dont be shy your mother wasn't when i met you i had heard how rude you could be,<-- so everyone else bitched about me, yet its funny cos the person who did I was perfectly polite too but i never judge people <-- HA HA until i meet them myself <-- yeah then run away from them for the evening, so when i met you at the elephant i thought "wow she is really pretty and seems nice and happy" <-- about the time you looked me up and down? Oh and Iall I thougth was' fuck she's tall ' then i commented on how nice your top was and you didnt even talk back to me, you turned your head and spoke to someone else (whats the deal, thats so rude)<-- okay if you were really so woggy you would have made more of an effort to talk to me, even though I dont think you quite have your story straight Then i was told <-- so you belive everything you hear? err.. if you were told to jump off a bridge........???? that you did that because i hugged Kyle(so fucking what, im a wog,<-- WOG?? ha ha if you were the huggy kind of wog you would have been hugging me too ... ha ha maybe you should meet my family (you might not understand them thought cos they dont speak very good english) oh thats why cos they all came to australia from europe... oh hang on a second... they might be wogs too...basically what I am trying to say is SHUT UP SKIPPY i KISS most people when i meet them, it means nothing) <-- on the cheek is wog on the lips is tart HE IS MY MATE <-- yeah so accept the fact Im around, and be civil for that very reason, I know I would do it for my mates, oh because Im not in high school anymore and dont need that bullshit grow up Now I have found the man of my dreams and we have been together for 5 months and will prob get married, <-- congratulations is in order then five months and your planning to get married he he how juvinille SO IM NOT A THREAT OK. <-- the only thing that is a threat  me about you is how freaken tall you areThe fact that im no threat to you and never will be is as good as a offer as i can give you right now, if i truely see and hear of a change in you over the next few months <-- I dont need to change I was perfectly normal and polite before you lot made me feel like I would rather down a packet of sleeping tablets than feel as low and depressed as you have made me feel. wish I wouldnt think bout it all anymore.... then yeah maybe id like to have a conversation with you and maybe a drink. Thanks for finally talking to me tho, even if it is email Regards Lauren <-- ahh fuck off

Anyways feeling a bit better but still cant sleep... took my tablet and still nothing....
Who cares anyways everything is always my fault and unless they grow up and maybe confront me so I can give them a serve of what I think (reality helllooo??) and if not then how are they ever going to stop this vicsious cycle of annoyance ? they dont exactly make life easy for me... is it worth all of feeling like crap everyday to amke someone happy- who just belives in ignoring things until they go away, it wont go away, when even his best mate bitches about me (and blames when he was perfectly involved in the conversation too).... I dont know, I would hope* that a bf, not to mention one who says he loves me would at least not so much stick up for me IF i was in the wrong but  set things straight with his friends instead of sitting around istening to them bitch about me ggrrr well maybe in the future I guess... (and for the record I think if I was bitching about somthing he should say the same to me if it was unnecessery

* 'hope' is my misconception of what should happen but he reality is its prolly wont.

its funny when I accedently write but with two tt's cos its butt... lol
Nite nite world, Inga xo

"I’m very sarcastic," she says. "I come off kind of mean but I’m just realistic." - PINK