Well its tuesday night, and its sucking a bit, I mean okay I thought there is no way on this earth could I possibly cry anymore, nothing will upset me, I was feeling pretty good today and then I cooked dinner, made sure andrew was asleep in time for me to watch the O.C and waited for Kyle to come over before I ate so we could eat dinner together. But he didnt come over.

I was really looking forward to it, you kow cos its tuesday. Tuesday night was our night...
But not anymore I guess. I need to stop being a fool and just hide all the hurt. Cos nothing I do is stopping it, I miss him, I miss when he looks at me and we both grin like idiots at each other, that is the best smile in the world.

I think crying (too late to choose if i will or not cos I already have been) and taking pain killers to knock myself out sounds like the best option for sleep tonight.

Goodnight

K grew his beard and it was so cute too.

Stupid leaking eyes.

After an emotional morning, K decided it was best not to be together, and I knew no persuasion of mine could do anything, I think for one of the only times in my life, as he was walking out my front door leaving, I was speechless, knowing all I had to give him was my entire heart and all my love, if I knew what else to say I would have but I was just empty. I wish I wasn't so hopeless at saying how I feel.

I went to the market and got my beloved donuts, and then trekked to gloria jeans to find solice in a large latte (a regular one wouldn't have been enough today), but even they couldn't produce a smile for even a microsecond. I donned my black sunglasses for most of the day so no one else could tell anything of my emotions, I was just another face in the crowd.

K said this morning fter much discussion, if you love somthing set it free, if it comes back its yours... and as much as it felt like someone had wrenched their fist into my chest and pulled my heart out while it was still beating, I thought, okay I love him and I want him to be happy, and if thats what he wants then I'll go with that. I  didnt want to say goodbye, I just want to be in his arms, but I listened to him and did what I thought he wanted, purley because I love him, but as they say, if you love something...(guess that camel is going to get worn out by being cuddled too much).

I have to change the subject as my tears will short circut the keyboard and then I wont be able to type. Everyone keeps talking about my birthday, and all I can think about is that the person I love the most probly doesnt even wanna see me on my birthday, and wont be there to hug me, or kiss me good morning, I dont want to have my bithday without him. I dont want any part of my life without him.

Oh and Finland won the eurovision awards (they had great outfits like monsters) But I had to read it on the net cos I left B's parents house early before the show ended cos I didnt wanna burst out in tears in the middle of their lounge room. Stupid eyes keep leaking.

I have a sore spot like a stich that wont go away it sucks. not to mention my head. K left his bag here I wonder if he relised. Ahh dear I hope he doesnt spend an hour looking for it, well he might read this and then relise. I might go and measure the bathroom under the sink to see if drawers will fit. I feel so crap, oh well. SHopping tonight. Oh and I must send away mothers day cards today before I forget.

xoxo

Migrane for 4 days. It hurts like hell, doctor told me I need to sleep for 2-3 days but I cant cos I have work ect. Stupid virus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(think I'm all run down from stress, need a goddamn holiday if you ask me, but thats right, no one asks me. assholes)

Well I have always maintained that anything guys can do I can do... you know like riding my motorbike, building treehouses... ect... And until now I didnt relise how terrible I am at explaining myself! The thought in my head rarly seem to match what comes out of my mouth... stupid logistics problem in my head!!!! Not getting my messages to my mouth properly!!!

But im going to work on it... anyways its still shitty weather here in lil ol' adelaide, damn cant even hang out my washing.

Going to find a suitor (cat) today, or at least see if I fall in love with one.. those furry things are so damn cute!

Better get cleaning- dishes to put away!!!! (always dishes... )

A newly-delivered baby falls through a train toilet as it is born near the city of Guangzhou, China. After the fall, a second train speeds over the newborn. Although the baby survives unharmed, radio announcers are later reprimanded for laughing hysterically as they report the story.

TRUE!!!